Three very irritating backpackers (they’re classic ‘Bro’ types, they use the word ‘Gay’ as a pejorative a lot) leave Amsterdam for Slovakia because, y’know, there’s hot chicks there. They go to a club, meet some ‘hot chicks’ but things start to go seriously awry. When one of the bros has supposedly checked out, the remaining two decide to stay one more night and depart in the morning. If only they had left there and then.

Hostel is beautifully directed and photographed but, alas, a film is only as strong as its screenplay. And this one isn’t really up to much.

I also detest the ‘torture p*rn’ genre. I feel like these are the kind of films that are made for people who don’t watch many films, don’t watch many horror films, go to multiplexes for their bi-annual excursion to the movies and talk/text during a film. But maybe I’m just being a massive snob.

Rather than dwelling on the painful injuries subjected on the victims in these films, I prefer the method of cutting away and letting the audience imagine what comes next- something that The Texas Chain Saw Massacre did so brilliantly. If there has to be excessive gore I prefer it to be integral to the plot and to have some kind of purpose (Dawn of the Dead and The Evil Dead instantly spring to mind). I hate it when gore is presented as some kind of spectacle for viewers with single-digit IQs to shriek- ‘Urgh! Look at that!’ before they start checking their phone again and not paying any more attention to the film for the next half-hour.

Also, Hostel is far from being a glowing tourist information film for Slovakia either. Note to director Eli Roth- if you’re going to defame a country, please make up an imaginary one.

1.5 out of 5 stars