Review- ‘Searching’ (2018)

Review- ‘Searching’ (2018)

A girl goes missing. Or has she been abducted? Her father digs deeper to try and find his daughter.

A film that takes place either through words, pictures and footage on instant messenger, FaceTime or social media. The telling of the story through these mediums feels innovative to begin with but grates by the end of the movie.

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Great performances all round, an ending that feels a bit forced and rushed though.

But I’m not going to criticise a horror movie that strives for innovation and originality. Even though this movie doesn’t hit all of it’s targets it deserves applause.

2/5 out of 5

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Review- ‘The Meg’ (2018)

Review- ‘The Meg’ (2018)

Theres ‘good bad’ and theres ‘bad bad’. This is definitely ‘bad bad’.

The Megalodon was a huge shark thought to be extinct. A research expedition into deeper levels of the ocean finds that ol’ Meg is still alive. Megsy then decides to move away from these deeper ocean depths and invade the shallower depths of the sea which the expedition came from in search of human chow.

This film contains the worst CGI since Escape From LA which just reinforces to me that this was made to make money and for no other reason. John Carpenter’s film at least had the excuse of being made when CGI as we know it was in it’s infancy.

The CGI in The Meg was so bad that a scene that should have contained a huge jump scare looked so fake and artificial just before said scare that you just knew something was going to happen. And it did. And zero forks were given.

This film also contains some of the worst most stereotypical and generic characters that I’ve ever seen- the cutesy little girl (far too irritating for her own good and deserves to become shark fodder), the edgy female scientist (tattoos, Lara Croft hair, probably a lesbian) the comedic black character (he makes Jovial Jemima look restrained. Time to send back your NAACP membership card, Page Kennedy).

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Edgy. And stereotypical.

Rainn Wilson has a face for radio, not for film. ”Why has he been cast in such a role?” I thought whilst watching this cinematic abortion. Then it hit me. His brash billionaire character who is in part responsible for bringing The Meg into our waters seems to be based on Elon Musk- someone else with a face for radio and a personality just as rancid.

Jason Statham is a great action hero. That is until he opens his mouth and undoes all of his good work. I have a theory- the more dialogue Statham has to deliver in a film, the worse the film is.

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Jason Statham with his mouth closed. Hooray!

We get the obligatory scene of Jason just out of the shower and only wearing a towel. So what. A Google search for such fare is cheaper and more painfree than watching this movie.

There are also some of the most awkward ‘comedy’ moments that I’ve ever seen. Lines that aren’t funny and have never been funny being delivered completely ineptly.

The film also changes gear and intent about two thirds of the way through. From being a suspense filled horror film (which it utterly fails at) the film then thinks it can master the ‘Sharknado’ sub-genre of ‘oh so camp, tongue in cheek’ horror movies (it can’t even master this- some feat).

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A Jaws reference. And another reminder that you could be watching Spielberg’s masterpiece instead of ‘The Meg’.

The Meg feels like a really anaemic, formulaic and boring straight to video movie from the early 90’s that has had millions thrown at it and given a theatrical release. It’s out of time and out of place. A bit like the megalodon really.

1 out of 5

The Halloween 2 Riddle Solved?

The Halloween 2 Riddle Solved?

I’ve just reviewed Snapshot that was cheekily renamed ‘The Day After Halloween’ to capitalise on the success of John Carpenter’s masterpiece.

I remember the first time I saw this was on a copy of the soundtrack that I saw whilst browsing for soundtracks in the mid 90’s when I had moved to London to study film. ‘Well, I’ll be damned!’ I thought as I saw the title of the film and the same font used as for the original film. I was also amazed to see Sigrid Thornton on the album’s sleeve art. I had known and admired Ms Thornton’s work in the TV series Prisoner Cell Block H.

Now rewind a few years. It’s the late 80’s. I’m in Leeds after taking the bus from York to visit a brilliant film memorabilia shop called Movie Boulevard.

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It’s here that I buy a quad poster for the film Halloween 2. I wondered why it said ‘All New’ on it.

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The UK quad poster for Halloween 2

When I posted my review of Snapshot in the Meathook Cinema Facebook group yesterday one of my regular contributors Phillip Lopez Jimenez said

”I remember when that came out, the ads eventually had a banner that said Not a Sequel to Halloween but it wasn’t in theaters for very long…”

So is this why the posters for Halloween 2 had the words ‘All New’ written on them? Had this small (but perfectly formed) film from Australia which had tried to market itself as a sequel to Halloween perplexed the makers of the real sequel to the film to such an extent that they had to tell audiences that this was the real deal, the real sequel? It would appear so.

This ‘All New’ addendum was added to both the American and British posters for the film (the British poster is earlier in this article)-

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The original US poster

This also extended to the British and American/Canadian newspaper ads for the film-

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Original London newspaper ad
ad newspaper Halloween II 1981 Canada
Canadian newspaper ad. What a great double-bill!

A mystery solved. Take a bow, Phillip.

Review- Jason and the Argonauts (1963)

Review- Jason and the Argonauts (1963)

I loved Greek mythology as a kid and this film blew me away when I first saw it.

It still more than holds up when I watch it today. This really is a brilliant adventure that the audience is taken on as Jason sails in search of the Golden Fleece.

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This is the crowning glory of Ray Harryhausen’s stop motion action sequences. The skeleton fight scene is one of the most brilliant pieces of film I’ve ever seen but the Harpies and Talos are just as impressive. Betsy Palmer’s movements at the end of Friday the 13th reminds me of one of the skeletons from this sequence. I wonder if this was conscious on the part of Sean S Cunningham.

The scale of the film is suitably epic. It must have been mind-blowing to watch this film on the big screen back in the day. This film doesn’t feel dated in anyway through the brilliant crafting of the film. This must have been a labour of love for the filmmakers and cast alike.

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With any film in which theres scantily clad men within an all male cast theres also a sense of homoeroticism that underlies the whole film especially regarding the character of Hercules. If his toga had been any shorter this film would have earned an X certificate.

The Bernard Herrmann music score is similarly epic. In fact there are parts of this soundtrack that reminded me of his later score for Taxi Driver.

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This was actually an Anglo-American production and so we get the great contributions of Honor Blackman and Patrick Troughton in the cast which is always a great thing.

This film really does capture in abundance a childlike sense of adventure and awe that leaps from the screen. Brilliant.

4.5 out of 5

Review- The Slayer (1981)

Review- The Slayer (1981)

The infamous video nasty that was banned in the SS Thatcher days of 80’s Britain.

It’s a solid effort with great gore and decent suspense as two couples go to an island for a vacation.

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I loved the lead character who feels like she’s been having nightmares all her life about the place she’s just arrived at. She even feels like the creature who roams the place is of her own creation.

You’ll never look at a pitchfork in the same way again.

3 out of 5

Review- Vigilante Force (1976)

Review- Vigilante Force (1976)

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An army vet is employed as a police officer to bring down crime levels in a small town. But he quickly becomes the problem rather than the cure.

This really is a B movie and reminds me of the blander half of the double-bills you used to watch in cinemas back in the day.

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It’s interesting to see Charles Cyphers pre-Halloween and John Steadman pre-Hills Have Eyes though.

Other than that it’s a bit of a yawn.

1.5 out of 5

Review: Crystal Lake Memories (2013)

Review: Crystal Lake Memories (2013)

This is basically Never Sleep Again but for the Friday the 13th films. And that’s perfect. Each film gets talked about by cast and crew regarding how it was made, the ongoing battle with the MPAA that blighted the series later on and how well the films fared when released.

It’s always a joy to hear legends like Betsy Palmer and Tom Savini speak about their experiences. Corey Feldman (aka Tommy Jarvis) narrates and does a brilliant job.

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Kudos for including Friday the 13th: The Series.

A great documentary.

3.5 out of 5

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