You may remember at the end of the previous film that Laurie beheaded Michael. How could they possibly progress after such an event to keep the franchise going? Well, apparently Michael had actually swapped clothes with a paramedic and crushed his larynx. Hence Laurie chopped off the head of an innocent man whilst Michael is still at large. Oh boy. Three years later and Laurie is now in a sanitarium and knows that Michael is still alive and has set a trap for him on the roof of the facility. Like clockwork, Michael comes to the building to finish her off, they both make it onto the roof of the building and set off the trap which involves him dangling over the edge of the roof, suspended upside down by a rope attached around his foot (don’t ask). Rather than just cutting the rope (which would have been wayyy too easy), Laurie decides (stupidly) to remove his mask to, y’know, make sure it’s really her psycho brother. In doing this she is grabbed by her sibling and finds herself dangling over the edge of the building along with him. He stabs her, she says he’ll join her in hell (maybe you go to hell if you make stupid decisions in films) and then she falls to her death.

A year later college friends find that they have won a competition in which they are to spend a night in the Myers House which has been fitted with a shitload of cameras and the night’s events are being live-streamed to a website where viewers can watch what happens as part of an internet reality show called Dangertainment.

Watching Halloween: Resurrection is a vile experience. It feels like a Halloween special made for a noughties teen show which has temporarily crossed over with the Halloween franchise. There’s no suspense, no likeable characters and absolutely no engagement for the audience. In fact, the characters are downright irritating. Rather than acting they just seem to pull the most surreal and stupid facial expressions from time to time. It takes some doing to make a film wherein there’s not a single character that I cared about, but Halloween: Resurrection succeeded. At least that’s one dubious quality the film excels at.

There’s also the feeling I got when watching the film that it was made by someone who knew absolutely nothing about the films in the Halloween franchise that came before. But that’s not the case- Resurrection is directed by none other than Rick Rosenthal who made the excellent Halloween 2 in 1981. He even has a cameo in Resurrection as a college professor.

Resurrection lacks audience engagement to such a degree that it feels like having to watch a friend or acquaintance surfing the internet or playing a computer game that you’re not involved in. It’s a frustrating, detached and boring experience.

It also feels like a time capsule for a really shit period. We get the gaudy makeup, awful haircuts and lame attempts at humour that typified the worst popular culture in the early noughties. And the shots of the internet and how prehistoric and clunky it looks gave me the worst flashbacks- the hell of that awful internet dial tone, waiting half an hour for a page to load and trying to watch a 5-minute video clip which would, in fact, take the best part of an hour because it was ‘buffering’.

These ‘internet’ sequences made me think about how Rosenthal had directed these ‘looking at a screen’ sequences with much more suspense when he directed the earlier Halloween 2. Those shots of Myers slowly sliding up the corridors of Haddonfield Memorial Hospital through the CCTV monitors were scary as hell. Contrast that with seeing Michael on the internet live feed within this film- just some loser in a Myers mask that doesn’t look authentic (did Micheal rob Walmart prior to H2O?!) and is about as unsettling as some bored teen dressed up as him who works on the ghost ride at a local fun fair.

But whilst these elements add to how awful Resurrection is, I thought I’d save the worst ingredient until last. Two words. BUSTA RHYMES.

Busta stars as Freddie Harris who is the mastermind behind Dangertainment. And in a film full of characters I’d like to punch, he excels himself. Witness the scene in which he’s dressed as Michael, crosses paths with the real Michael and starts giving him serious attitude as he doesn’t know it’s the real Myers. Busta berates him and what does Myers do in retaliation? NOTHING. Yes, that felt true to the Halloween franchise! Maybe even Micheal is repelled by shitty rappers who become even shittier ‘actors’.

And then there’s the final showdown. ‘Trick or treat motherfuckers!’ must be one of the crinigiest oneliners I’ve ever heard and this is from someone who has stayed awake during Wes Craven’s Scream. Just awful.

Is Halloween: Resurrection really that bad? Hell yeah. Awful characters who you don’t care one jot about, a huge hole where suspense and audience engagement should live and reminders of the awful start to an awful decade. There’s also a director who has directed a much better entry in the film’s franchise and Busta Rhymes. BUSTA RHYMES. If two words should make you NOT want to watch this film, these two words should do the trick.

If you’re going to watch any films from the Halloween series, start with the masterpiece original, seek out the TV version with its extra scenes, watch Parts 2 and 3 (both excellent) and then don’t waste your time with any of the films that come after this.

0.5 out of 5 stars