I hate the cunts who say, ‘I had the strangest dream last night!’ and then proceed to bore everyone to death with their remembrances.

Well, I really did have the strangest (and most brilliant) dream last night. I dreamt that I saw a trailer for a prequel to Halloween 3: Season of the Witch.

‘This prequel is all about ME, bitches!’

This got me thinking- why hasn’t a Halloween 3 prequel been made? It could cover the life of Conal Cochran up until the point he became the demented toymaker that we all know and love-

  • his strict and twisted religious childhood in Ireland which was steeped in paganism and ‘hills running red’.
  • Cochran’s arrival in his adopted home of the USA
  • Cochran’s choosing the joke toy industry as the perfect avenue to kill all of the children of his new adopted country
  • a comedic interlude in which the Stonehenge stone is transported to Santa Mira (not shown in detail and just glossed over just like in the original film because I hate it when horror prequels try to over-explain characters’ origins and motivations)

And if you’re wondering who could play Cochran in the prequel, what about Colin Farrell? There could even be a Tom Atkins cameo thrown in for good measure.

Colin Farrell is Conal Cochran!

C’mon Hollywood, stop snoozing on the job. Get this film made.

Where the prequel ends…

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