Answer these questions to ascertain if you will enjoy Guy Ritchie’s latest film-
- Do you have the emotional intelligence of a 14 year old?
- Do you have an IQ of 14?
- Do you think the clothing worn in a movie is more important than other aspects of the film such as direction, plot and dialogue?
- Do you regard Grime as a valid music genre? Do you listen to it without being strapped into a chair and being made to against your will?
- Do you think it’s OK for a posh gob to pretend to be a working class Cockney?
- Do you think smoking weed is cool and edgy?
- Do you think guns are cool and edgy?
- Do you think gangs are cool and edgy?
- Do you think Loaded was a great magazine?
- Are there scabs on the back of your knuckles from them scrapping on the ground when you walk?
OK, it’s time to tot up your score. You get 1 mark for each question above that you answered ‘Yes’ to.
0-3 marks- You have no reason to be here! Go and watch The Irishman or such like, you arty twat.
4-6 marks- You might be entertained by this if there was nothing else on.
7-10 marks- You’ll think this film is a masterpiece. Guy Ritchie will be your new hero if he isn’t all ready. He knows all about how to make a rip-roaring movie and this film is quite possible the best film ever made. Yes, even better than those straight to DVD films that Danny Dyer stars in.
In all seriousness, this film is TERRIBLE! Facile, juvenile and base. A bit like Lock, Stock…really. At least Ritchie is consistent.
1 out of 5 stars